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  • Murders on the Orient Express and the girl is all ready to do it again. Hmmm . . . ;-)

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    • Yeah, that one was pretty good.

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      • Things have not been good. I feel like my head is all over the place and I'm angry all the time. The smallest thing will set me off. I have absolutely no interest in much of anything. I don't want to do anything or talk to anyone.

        And yes, I know what all that means. Just because I know doesn't mean I will go see anyone.

        Tomorrow is 4 weeks since my dad died. I think that's probably most of the problem. I can't just take the time to give in and grieve. I have kids, a job, an internship.

        All I want to do is sleep. And I can't even do that.

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        • I am sorry for your loss and for you state of mind, ER. Can't you ask somebody you trust to watch over your kids for a weekend and go someplace quiet with your husband? Or at least consider going to a doctor so that you don't need to be in that state?
          "Which is better, eternal happiness or a ham sandwich? It would appear that eternal happiness is better, but this is really not so! After all, nothing is better than eternal happiness, and a ham sandwich is certainly better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness."

          - Raymond M. Smullyan

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          • Trust me, I wish I could. But we both work and I have school, so there's really no getting away. We are taking some time off for Dad's memorial service next month, and we will drive down to Arkansas. It will be good to see my mom and brothers, but that is not going to be an easy trip.

            I don't want to go to the doctor because they'll just prescribe something and that won't really help the problem. I am not drinking, which I have very much wanted to do a few times, and I suppose that is good. It wouldn't help either.

            I feel bad for my kids because it's usually just me and them at home, so when I break I yell at them. Or the dog, or both. And then I feel bad for yelling at them.

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            • I see. All that I can say, given your current situation is... that I wish you the best. However, if what you are experiencing right now is what I think it is, there is a possibility that you start having dark thoughts. Promise yourself that you go see a doctor if that happens. Medication might be a pain in the ass and render you catatonic, but it might be the only way to fight the worst case scenario.
              "Which is better, eternal happiness or a ham sandwich? It would appear that eternal happiness is better, but this is really not so! After all, nothing is better than eternal happiness, and a ham sandwich is certainly better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness."

              - Raymond M. Smullyan

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              • I'm really sorry ER things aren't getting better. Don't be so hard with yourself, for what I see around me, if you usually aren't yelling to your kids all the time, they are blessed with you. Three !!!! Of course when it's not one, it will be other and of course the dog bitting everything, I'm sure I would be shouting all the time. xD

                Try to find at least 15 minutes for you, i was going to say one hour, but probably that would be impossible, and do something you love or something that helps you to liberate stress. Sometimes I would like to enter an empty room and just shout like if I were mad. And continĂșe without drinking, that wouldn't help at all.

                I send you a very big virtual hug.

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                • So sorry ER - I know it doesn't help you but it is a very natural reaction you have, as long as you don't give in to drinking + it's OK to take some valium for a short -short- period.

                  Maya's advice to find 15-30 min a day for just yourself is very good. Scream or have a good cry. Or maybe your husband could take the kids and Engel out for a couple of hours and give you some alone-time?

                  I know from experience, that when you have the memorial service, it feels like a good farewell and things starts to get better then.

                  So big hug and warm thoughts from me.

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                  • Thanks guys. Sorry to come here and unload, but right now it's really the only place I have.

                    It doesn't help any, knowing what's going on but not being able to affect anything. At least I know the signs of what will happen if it gets worse instead of better.

                    I am trying to find something to do. It's why I ordered the crochet kit, maybe if I start doing something like that again it will help. Or painting or anything really. Looking for fewer parts though because kids and dog :P

                    Thanks again for listening. Sometimes are worse than other times and yesterday was pretty bad...

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                    • As you should know this is your house. So talk to us, we are listening, and please don't feel bad, you'll see you are not alone, we'll need support sooner or later.

                      Crochet probably will help, but you'll have to see if it relax you or not. But don't try to find something complicated, closing the door and listening music while singing or dancing can have the same effect.

                      I hope your german package arrive soon, but you can start singing right now. :P

                      Better days will come, I'm sure.

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                      • Yeah, if there's anything wrong, you can count on the Rammfamily here ! It's better out than in and don't forget we do care for our co-Affenknechters (or for the usual posters anyway; hell, I'd might even internet-hug Snake if he's depressed - did I really type that???).

                        Music would help me as well, especially Rammstein becasue they've songs for every mood. Maybe you could also write. That may be in the form of a journal, but anything else could do the trick as well. I used to do that, because it could be done in almost every moment. Going for a walk sometimes helps too, but only f it doesn't make you think even more.
                        And if that doesn't work, there's always Stewart Francis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWH5XubGKLA.
                        Dort wo der Horizont
                        Sich mit dem Meer verbindet
                        Dort wollt' ich auf dich warten
                        Auf das du mich dort findest

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                        • I'm so sorry Emeraldrose.

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                          • Trust me, there's been lots and lots of loud music. Well, as loud as I can have it while my husband is sleeping or I'm making calls. It definitely has made the days a little easier to get through. I have a journal, I got it years ago after another loss when I thought it would help me to cope, but I have never been one for writing. I keep thinking I will try it again, and yet there it sits on my nightstand. Walking would help, if I had the energy to make myself do it...or if there was less cold and snow. :P

                            Thank you for all the suggestions guys. I am definitely keeping them in mind. I have good days and bad days. Right now, just lots of bad days strung together.

                            Also...
                            Originally posted by Waidmann View Post
                            hell, I'd might even internet-hug Snake if he's depressed - did I really type that???).

                            Just for posterity.

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                            • ^Waidmann's will never admit it, but the truth is that he loves to hate me.
                              "Which is better, eternal happiness or a ham sandwich? It would appear that eternal happiness is better, but this is really not so! After all, nothing is better than eternal happiness, and a ham sandwich is certainly better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness."

                              - Raymond M. Smullyan

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                              • Maybe you two are married and haven't told the rest of us? That could explain the long, drawn out, venomous arguments...

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