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  • rammsteingirl527
    replied
    OOhhhhhahahahhahahahaha xD

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  • Art in Heaven
    replied
    CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'


    Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
    today, I leally sick .. Got headache, stomach ache and legs
    hurt, I no come work.'

    The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
    need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
    wife and tell her to give me Sex. That makes everything
    better and I go to work.. You try that.'

    Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you
    say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........
    You got nice house'

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  • Art in Heaven
    replied
    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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  • Art in Heaven
    replied
    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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  • Art in Heaven
    replied
    Why men are never depressed.

    Men Are Just Happier People --
    What do you expect from such simple creatures?
    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack...
    You can be President.
    You can never be pregnant.
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you,
    He or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
    On December 24 in 25 minutes.

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  • Art in Heaven
    replied
    My wife left me today cos im going bald

    oh well its hair loss

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  • Art in Heaven
    replied
    Why I'm Divorced

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday..'

    I thought....well, that's marriage for you, but the kids..... they will remember.

    My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'

    I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

    We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

    I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

    He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

    After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

    'Ok.' I nervously replied.

    He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

    And I just sat there....

    on the couch....










    naked.

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  • Maya
    replied

    Source: Till Mothafuckin Lindemann

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  • RICHARDS BIGGEST FAN
    replied
    Just love Rowen Atkinson he is timeless...is he Welsh or does he just have a welsh name ?

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  • cannibal_wotsit
    replied
    ^..........................
    23321702.jpg

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  • Waidmann
    replied
    480770_10151350208924832_1116644662_n.jpg
    ............................

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  • Maya
    replied
    xD

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  • Maya
    replied
    ^After what he did to the bodyguard, he should get a punishment.

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  • RICHARDS BIGGEST FAN
    replied
    Thought i would put this post here as i found it very very funny

    The manager that has banned me from being here during work hours may get demoted when we move over to the new pool, i believe what goes aroung comes around he he he he

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  • Maya
    replied

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