Funny stuff

[Maya]

Steve jobs and friends

[ATTACH=CONFIG]133[/ATTACH]

[cannibal_wotsit]

Needs to be enlarged...

[RICHARDS BIGGEST FAN]

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Snake]

^Old but true

[cannibal_wotsit]

________________________

[cannibal_wotsit]

^My point exactly

Ahaha, thanks...no offence to abendstern.

[Maya]

Doesn't mention british only americans.

Maybe I should change it ..........


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking american english is apparently what kills you.

[cannibal_wotsit]

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

It's got to be said that American-English is different to British-English....we can spell "colour" properly

[RICHARDS BIGGEST FAN]

I so love the funny stuff, really made me laugh after coming back to work after a weekend off. I can relate to so much of it working at a leisure centre as so many people are obsessed with what they eat here, you get funny looks if you as much as look at the chocolate in the vending machines.

[Maya]

I JUST LOVE THIS DOCTOR!


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit.. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[Maya]

Damn Fairies;

40 years of marriage..

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...
The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....

[cannibal_wotsit]

For Sweeney Todd/ Harry Potter fans

[Maya]

BOOK, new technology.

[Maya]

Carlsberg stunts in Belgium with 148 bikers in a movie theatre.
Some innocent couples want to take their seat, but the room is filled with not-so- friendly gentlemen... How will they react?

[cannibal_wotsit]

wrong on soo many levels