New Affenknecht layout

[Snake]

eh. the last thing i would do is try to get "professional" "help".
it would ruin everything even more. im the one who knows whats happening the most.

Now you are being stubborn. That is what will actually ruin everything even more for you. Hence, I'll need to be blunt: pull your head out of your ass and go see a shrink.

[You]

eh. the last thing i would do is try to get "professional" "help".
it would ruin everything even more. im the one who knows whats happening the most.
and it does seem really complex. becouse even if one thing is done, like progressing in what i want, the changes still remain, so my days would become one-sided. there would be only "work" and no way of actually relaxing, or whatever i should call it when i can go to at least ONE place i went to every day literally, without only thinking about how im not where i want to be anymore.
i cant start new projects becouse i as i wrote, i dont have motivation, or desire to do anything at all. besides that, if i wait or um.. de-route myself again it might just get even worse. i wouldnt want to waste any more of my life but i cant think of anything that would be logical to do.
and its right, i cant think straight. becouse i know from experience that it would ruin and change myself even more if i would not care about this all, but until i can care about what i want, i cant think about what i would like to think about.

most of my days were about deciding what i would have done in the PAST. or how i would have thought about something in the PAST.
i tried to restrict myself so i dont lose myself.

and the changes might be minor to you, but i literally lived at these places.
plus even if you consider websites an invalid place to live at , or have goals attached to, then i also mentioned that my city, school, class changed too.
i also mentioned (i guess) that at the same time these places went deader too.
all of them.
and if i look at this site for example, i doubt i will be able to connect anything really memorable to this changed state. maybe one album release if there will be in the future, but everything else that happened to me in relation to rammstein happened with the old kind of site and sites too.

the old world...

actually i just better stop writing. im just spamming this topic with personal bullshit
and it doesnt really help either

so byes

[Snake]

And about the long post... Snake and I had longer posts about things that actually don't really matter . AND we annoyed people with that, so your post is more than legit.

The sum of all our post? Sure. But I don't think we ever wrote a post as big as @You just did. I do agree that they dealt with unrelevant matters, though.

[Maya]

@You Somebody in my family is living a similar situation, I know it's very hard and difficult and maybe you feel lost, try to take it easy, you'll finally find your path. Maybe you can make a new start with a new project and finish the old ones in another moment, probably that will help.

Try to talk with somebody you trust, the decision of taking professional help is not easy, but sometimes is necessary, I think you need support, you must search it.

[Waidmann]

@ You: I would suggest you take things easy for now. What you're going through isn't unique, is more common and especially more understandable than you seem to claim. Such things have been dealt with by many people and isn't something you should blame yourself for. And even if it were somehow, there's no use in that anymore. I don't know about the medical help the other advise, that just depends on each subject. Just look out for what you want to do with your life, just one step at the time. It's legit to take a long pause for that and there's little mirth in eating yourself up for it.

About the layout: I know what you mean with the "smartphone look". It isn't something I really care for myself, I must admit (and that's not just about this site), but I reckon it's just today's paradigm. It's like we have to deal with things like Justin Bieber, One Direction, tomboys with skinny jeans and people calling their children after what I could only guess would be exotic potplants. Although, I still think it's a little improvement to the previous site.

And about the long post... Snake and I had longer posts about things that actually don't really matter . AND we annoyed people with that, so your post is more than legit.

[The Rose]

@You, as I wrote earlier, I worry about you. To be this upset about minor changes is not right and I totally agree with Snake: If you're not getting it already, you should definitely get professional help.

[Snake]

@You, you might not like what I am going to suggest. However, I want you to understand that I am not making fun of you, and neither am I disregarding everything that you just wrote:

I don't think you are thinking straight, and I believe you need to seek medical help. I might be wrong. Fuck, I *hope* I am totally wrong. But if you did not saw a shrink yet, I really think you should.

[You]

ohs... =o thank you all
i thought im the only one who really cares about changes, or... lack of changes.
and thats why im kindof afraid too, becouse noone will care if only one person minds changes. or how to say.
i could really list a lot of things that changed, most were like the backbones of my days and life, and since they happened right after each other, it feels like i lost like.. what i woke up for every day, or where i could rest, or have fun, or have pain.
becouse of this, i couldnt concentrate on anything. i needed things to remain the same, so i can progress, progress with my projects or how you would call them. and this also happened when i stopped progressing in the things im making for years now, to work on a one time flash animation that also had a weird history, and it wasnt a recent though, or back then recent though, since it was an old thing i didnt finish yet. i just wanted to finish it and return to where i was, but meanwhile things changed, and it felt like i cant return. the flash got made even slower, and maybe also becouse it was the only thing keeping me up/on and if i finished, i couldnt have returned anyway. it felt like it will be the last thing i could do, and the last thing connecting me to my past self, even though it wasnt part of the big things i was making for such a long time. the flash was a side thing in the past, and spending so much time on it just to continue it felt like i was also just a shadow of my past self, and things got separated. like if there was a past self before this , and the current new self which could never live up to the past self, or how to say.
the flash still isnt done , i stopped working on it, becouse i thought it was the problem.
when i did that, i couldnt do anything else either. i couldnt return, and couldnt continue anything else. the bigger things i have been making got too far from me, since the last time i was working on them was like a year ago, and since all the places changed which got a connection to past progress, i felt like i will never be able to do anything anymore, and if i actually did, i would just ruin everything.
since i didnt feel anything anymore, literallly. i wasnt attached to anything. BUT there was also no hope of getting the old things back, since they changed. so it wasnt like moving to an other city or something.
i even thought if i cut my arms off, or kill myself i wouldnt feel anything about it. i did cut my arm somewhat too, and i really didnt feel anything about it emotionally. it was just forced. since i had no reason to do it besides not wanting to do anything. i also got closer to people i didnt want to get close to for no reason, or at all. or like this, since i cared about my relation with people, and didnt want to force things like im really in need of people i know but didnt want to be friends with. that wouldnt have solved anything anyway.
i really didnt have any hope, but hoped that some day i will get lucky and will be able to do something, or something will happen that can give me an option, but it only got worse.
and the most recent was when affenknecht and firefox start page changed the same day. since firefox um.. broke up, or something, with google, and now the page is google itself, without anything firefox related. now, i only saw that page like every time i opened firefox, and every time i went there to be on a kindof clean , familiar page instead of a "destination" website. plus i already hated google fo r changing youtube, and changing itself too, since now google looks really... smart phone ish also. after all these years, and google is only like.. the backbone of the internet, since most of the people use it even for no reason, searching for site names even if they can go to the site more easily.
so i feel like im old already, maybe i already wrote about a lot of these things but i cant even reemember that, and im really l tired too, since its like past 1 in the morning.
don t know if i mentioned, this all happened when i finished school. not after it, but in the last r year. so the last year i could spend in school got wasted, kindof, or so to speak or how to say. i dont want to work, especially like this, and right now i dont know if im capable of making any decisions. if i choose to work somewhere for some reason, my whole life could get even more ruined. this is really a time when i would have to be able to remember m y goals, my plans and create more, instead of stagnating. or how to say.

wells, sorr y for this long ass auto-biography.. thing story
now i t just seems like it would seem like i want people to feel sorry for me, or how to say.
its actually really lame i wrote all this.. or typed

ohs and... yeaps i didn t raelly reply to your posts.. sorrie
i know archive.org, but its not really functional like the real site, and its not like if the real site would be like that again
and thank you all but you shouldnt have read this either

(for me, 2014 is the year of changes and being lost, and even the second half of 2013)

oh damnit...
okay i just noticed only now that the rammstein website changed too. ovious dumb-down for smartphones. everything is lost now
i thought the previous website was really um.. uncomfortable, but this surpasses everything.
am i REALLY the only one who thinks these designs fo r smartphones make everything look plain , dull, anti-thought out... or whatever the opposite is of thought out, similar to every other site design for smartphones, and looks like it was made by some kind of small kid as a first website to just throw his things under each other without thinking about design or anything?
it really makes everything dumb and small. i mean, everything is huge as hell, but it feels small becouse there is nothing to look at or notice, just some obvious buttons and the content

only i am reminded of this?:


and wanted to post this:
https://web.archive.org/web/20091223...hy/Albums.html
this is what i have in mind when im thinking about the albums and track lists, and the affenknecht lyrics page besides this..

wells anywaii, its even later now. and i dont think anyone cares what i write anyway, or.. i hope you dont =o and i dont want to act like anyone should care, like its a big thing that i write some crap about how i feel or somethings
uuh cant think of a n outro or anything.. sorry, so just cyas

[EmeraldRose]

You- It was nice to see such a wonderfully long post from you (and I think you take the prize for longest white text post I've ever seen ). One thing I have learned since I found this forum is that the people who are here are truly kind, caring people. I can understand your fear of change, having recently had some very difficult changes in my own life. I don't hate you for posting your thoughts and feelings. I know how hard it is to write what you really feel and think, even in this anonymous world.

Know that whatever you decide about remaining here in your RammFamily, we will be here no matter what the site looks like.

[Art in Heaven]

@You
That must be the biggest post you've ever written, and I'm proud of you because it was clearly hard to write but you still put down your feelings and posted them. We all have a fear of change in many parts of our lives, some we cope with and some we never get used to but we persevere. No one here hates you, in fact I know for sure that I'm not the only one here that finds it a pleasure to see a post from you because they are so rare, but clearly show you haven't abondoned us. You have friends here, that's one thing that won't EVER change.

[Waidmann]

Actually the site was very well accessable through my phone... But yeah, after this time, a refreshment was indeed in it's place (to keep the place alive, to keep up with things and maintain credibility). Allthough it's taken place where I never look, namely at the news section of the site. I just always come to the forum, because the news is here too.

@You: It would be silly to hate you for expressing such thoughts. It's too often that change overwhelms us, displeases us and seems to be coming all at once. There are many things that annoy me, but your thoughts are not among them.

[Maya]

I Understand how you feel, but you can't stop changes.

You said you would like to return to places you used to like. Talking about sites, you can do it, in the Wayback Machine http://archive.org/web/

I'm using it with the LIFAD quiz, you can find rammstein.de since 1998 and you can find This site too, take a look. Probably you'll find most of the sites you like

I hope you feel better soon, take care You

[The Rose]

aokays, please just ignore this post, or maybe i should just delete it. i dont want to spread this feeling to anyone else. and as i wrote you all will hate me anyway.. . s
well bye, sorry

NO, we don't hate you, I worry about you. You seem to be in a bad place and I really, really hope you have some one you can talk to. Please take care.

[Snake]

@You new relax, man. Take a deep breath.

[You]

^In time, you will get used to the new layout. That is just your resistance to change talking.

uh.. yep, but it has reasons.
change means you also change, and you cant return even if you would want to.
like , if i would want to see the previous look just to see it, i couldnt. actually i did just now, on the other language things. and maybe if the site was like this before i wouldnt even be here.
i took the change of youtube so bad i cant watch a video without thinking about the changes, so for like one and half years, and not exaggerating.
i think its easier for the people operating a website or how to say... since they always have the chance to apply the old things again, at least i hope so..
if i change something around myself for some reason its better too, since i did it myself without being forced to um.. "suffer" a change.
soo... if things go like this, my visions of the future would have to have every site looking like it was changed just for mobile things users.
actually its almost the case now

sorry if i sound or seem harsh or whatevers. and i dont want to ruin the mood... but i would like to have comfort in thinking i will have the things i used to have, and could return to the places i got used to/liked.

but if most of the other places didnt change also, i think i wouldnt mind this.
not just sites, a lot of things in real life too. (and the same time they got deader too, or were changed becouse they were about to die out, but of course it didnt help.)

and im sorry for writing these, but my past one and half years kind of got ruined becouse of everything changing. or maybe my whole life, since my plans and goals dont apply to this new world anymore. i dont even know what to do, STILL after all this time.
to get used to things, i would have to have some memories, experiences with the new things. but even if i do, they would just get compared to what i lived through in the old ones, and even if they can "compete", it comes to mind how it could have been if nothing changed, and all the new happenings got added to the memories with the old one you knew.
Like if you just got a new dog to replace an old one, when you still wanted to do so much with the original.
so yeaps... i think its just me, becouse i just wanted to be able to return to the comfort of the same places every day, as steady... supports, or how to say.
but now it feels like the whole world is against me... actually, it also feels like if things really had to change, they shouldnt do it at once. they shouldnt just throw away a design that was used and perfected for decades, just to change it to something they made in some days. its like if they took an old friend of yours and replaced it with a small kid you dont know... not really referring to this site now.

And i know you all will hate me after reading this, or at least look at me in a weird way. i dont want to get anyone in doubt about this, or be a party popper or what they say... i just didnt even have people to tell these to, as i lost most of them too...
uh, yeap and now another thought comes, that the past places connected me to the memories about those people, and yeps i could go on for a while about these things, since this is what has been happening, and what is happening right now to me.

okays, please just ignore this post, or maybe i should just delete it. i dont want to spread this feeling to anyone else. and as i wrote you all will hate me anyway.. . s
well bye, sorry